The Heart's Way

Stress and The Silent To-Do List : Clinical Perspectives

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Stress and the Silent To-Do List:

Clinical Perspectives

The Heart’s Way for Creative Clinicians

Who doesn’t experience stress? To varying degrees we all do. Our clients struggle with the myriad of stresses in life. Clinicians are not immune. In the name of self-care and best practice we are charged with not only dealing with the stress in our lives and workplaces, but also to help our clients cope with theirs.

Many of the stresses in our lives practically shout to us with “in your face” demands. But there are also more quiet, insidious stresses that whisper to us. They are not on the top of our priority list, but they nevertheless seem unrelenting. These subtle stresses make up our Silent To-Do List. Today’s blog post will focus on Stress and The Silent To-Do List: Clinical Perspectives.

What is Stress?

Elizabeth Scott, MS – verywellmind, relates “stress can be defined as any type of change that causes physical, emotional, or psychological strain. Stress is your body’s response to anything that requires attention or action.”

It is our understanding of stress and our response to it that is important. We usually perceive stress as either eustress (good stress) or distress (bad stress). Eustress is generally a positive kind of stress that is associated with increased periods of adrenaline. Unfortunately, our bodies sometimes can’t tell the difference between eustress and distress. That is why when we experience good stress (eustress) in our lives, such as a marriage or moving to a new home, our bodies may sometimes react negatively. I remember when I bought my first home. I was so excited and happy, yet all I could do was cry!

Common signs of stress

It’s helpful to be familiar with the common signs of stress. We may recognize these signs in our clients. Sometimes it’s more difficult to recognize these signs in ourselves. Clinicians who do regular, periodic check-ins with themselves can deal with stress symptoms before they have significant adverse effects. Discussing these stress check-ins with your clients may also be helpful!

In her article, What Is Stress?, Elizabeth Scott, MS lists some of the common signs of stress:

Are there different types of stress?

Yes! Stress can be short-term (acute), such as the type of stress we experience in our day to day lives. Things may happen that get in the way of our routines. Incidents, such as an argument or an unexpected deadline at work, may frustrate us. These are things that do not normally happen on an everyday basis.

Long-term (chronic) stress is a different story. Chronic stress is experienced day in and day out. This could be caring for a family member with a long-term or terminal illness. Or being in a difficult relationship or marriage. An extremely stressful job can leave us chronically stressed. In the occupational world, this type of chronic stress can lead to burnout. Clinicians, I suggest my blog post, Burnout Versus Moral Injury in the Mental Health Field, for a discussion on this particular topic.

We can also experience acute episodic stress. This type of stress is basically short-term stress that is frequent, much like riding an emotional roller coaster. We don’t know when the next stressful “thing” will happen but, in our drama-filled lives, it is bound to happen soon. I remember experiencing acute episodic stress while working as a full-time clinician (and later supervisor) in a large, rural community mental health center. Some days were filled with that roller-coaster type of stress. Thankfully some days were better. But if I didn’t cope with that stress in a positive way I would feel like I was working on auto-pilot. Have you ever felt that way?

But what about another kind of stress?

Acute, chronic, and acute episodic stresses are usually more noticeable and prominently observed, both by ourselves and by others. These are the kinds of “in your face” stresses that I mentioned earlier. Now I’d like to discuss another type of stress called The Silent To-Do List.

The Silent To-Do List

I first heard of the concept of The Silent To-Do List from a YouTube video by the Minimal Mom. I was very intrigued and wanted to learn more! This idea comes from the Minimalist and Decluttering world and looks at decreasing stress through having fewer possessions to care for and living a simpler lifestyle. Specifically, the term The Silent To-Do List was coined by the author, Fumio Sasaki, in his book Goodbye, Things.

Much has been written on the positive impact that having (and thereby caring for) fewer possessions can have on our lives: less stress, increased happiness, more productivity, better focus and concentration, etc. In fact, it seems that decluttering and making room for what is really important in our lives has been very popular lately. Mr. Sasaki writes:

“Things don’t just sit there. They send us silent messages. And the more the item has been neglected, the stronger its message will be.”

Fumio Sasaki, Goodbye, Things

What do silent messages tell us?

Things that we see day in and day out send us silent messages, such as “When are you going to complete those treatment plans that have been sitting on your desk? Don’t you have a timeline for documentation?,” “When are you going to wash me?,” “I haven’t been dusted in three months!,” “I’ve been sitting on your bookshelf for such a long time, I don’t think you even remember that when you bought me you said that you were excited to read me!,” Of course, I know that these things cannot really speak, but they do send us messages nevertheless. These messages are on a lower frequency than the things that scream to us, “Do it now!” Louder messages get put on our actual “To-Do List.” Mr. Sasaki contends:

“All of our possessions want to be cared for, and they tell us that every time we look at them. They begin to form lines in our head, waiting for their turn for us to really look at them and listen to what they have to say. This line of things gets longer and longer as we acquire more material possessions. I call that list the ‘silent to-do list.'”

Fumio Sasaki, Goodbye, Things

Coping by changing your stressful situation

There seems to be two primary ways to deal with Stress and The Silent To-Do List. Actually, stress of any kind. One way is to change your situation and the other is to change how you respond to the situations you experience.

The first way, to change your situation, may initially cause you more stress. I like to imagine Dorothy and her band of friends “following the yellow brick road” to see The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. It’s not all sunshine and flowers. They travel through treacherous forests and are tempted to turn around. But, through all their stress and anxiety, they decide to persevere. Their goal is to change their situation by having an audience with The Wizard of Oz. Note: I often used Guided Imagery with my clients when it was clinically appropriate. I found it a wonderful, creative addition to my clinical interventions. For a general discussion about Guided Imagery, I invite you to check out What is Guided Imagery on the blog.

In this same way I really appreciate the idea of The Silent To-Do List and agree with the reasoning behind it. I feel better when I tackle some of those things on that list. It helps me change my situation. Even though it can be stressful initially to tend to these things, we can make way for more space, more peace and, in general, more bandwidth in our lives. AKA…less stress.

Coping by changing the way you respond to stress

The second way to reduce stress is to change how you respond to it. There are many ways to cope with stress. Finding those techniques and honing those skills is more of a personal preference.

SPECIAL NOTE TO CLIENTS IF YOU DO NOT ALREADY SEE A THERAPIST: If you are experiencing severe stress that significantly impacts your mental, emotional, or physical health, consider seeing a professional who is trained to help you during this time of struggle. If you are seeking counseling, one resource to find a licensed mental health professional in your area would be through Psychology Today’s “Find a Therapist.”

Developing your own toolbox of coping skills

As I mentioned earlier, there are many ways to cope with stress. It’s important to remember, though, that your coping skill choices should be positive choices. During times of stress we can be tempted to cope in unhealthy ways, such as eating too much or drinking too much alcohol. My blog post, “Feeling Overwhelmed?” offers some helpful tips to decrease stress when feeling overwhelmed. Additional positive and healthy coping skill choices may include:

Please be mindful of the stress in your life. Don’t let it become “too much.” And if it does, please do something about it. You will be better for it.

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