Helping Clients Deal With Anniversary Reactions

Introduction for Clinicians

During the course of my clinical career I have worked with clients who were experiencing anniversary reactions. Some clients were able to quite easily pinpoint the loss or trauma or event that precipitated their own anniversary reaction. Others presented in session with a vague sense of unease, uncertainty, anxiety, or depression…but were unable to figure out why they were feeling that way.

We can be of service to our clients if we help to clarify and name any anniversary reactions they may be experiencing. Being able to recognize these thoughts and feelings as anniversary reactions is often the first step to discovering how to manage them.

Psychoeducation about anniversary reactions can be particularly helpful with clients. One of the first pieces of education I would share with clients about anniversary reactions is that they are normal and temporary.

Below is a post that I’ve written for people who may be experiencing anniversary reactions. (The original post was written in 2015 and has been recently updated). Hopefully there may be some tips that you can share with your clients to help this experience be more manageable. To share the original/updated blog post with your clients to read, here’s the link: Are You Experiencing An Anniversary Reaction?

Within the blog post below, as well as within the blog post for clients (found on The Heart’s Way, Imagery and Insights website), you’ll find a chart/handout that may be useful for your practice and/or to share with your clients. This PDF handout is free to download, print, save, and share. Here’s the link for the handout: COPING WITH ANNIVERSARY REACTIONS

And now on to the blog post…

When we think of holidays, or special occasions, we normally think of family, friends, love, joy, fun, etc. For some of us, unfortunately, it is not that way. Holidays or special occasions may bring about feelings of sadness, anxiety, or grief. These feelings may be due to experiencing losses in one’s life. Holidays or special occasions may be reminders of those losses. Are you experiencing an anniversary reaction?

The purpose of this post is to explore the topic of anniversary reactions and ways to effectively deal with them.

What are Anniversary Reactions?

Simply stated, anniversary reactions are difficult or upsetting thoughts or feelings on or about the time of an anniversary. That anniversary reminds us of someone we may have lost, or some unpleasant situation or circumstance experienced in our lives. This could be the death of a loved one, a tragic or traumatic event, or a major change or loss.

Although not pleasant, it’s important to know and understand that anniversary reactions are normal responses to trauma.

When we experience such losses or traumas in our lives, they naturally bring about feelings of grief or sadness, fear or anxiety, heartbreak or uncertainty. Every person’s experience is unique. For some the feelings may be long-lasting. For others the feelings may be occasional, such as “grief bursts.”

“A grief burst is a burst of sadness and sorrow which may be triggered by a variety of things (a song, a picture, seeing someone doing an activity you did with your loved one, a memory, etc.).”

Midland Care

Anniversary reactions can occur at any time. Sometimes they are quite unpredictable. They may arise on or about the anniversary of a trauma you or a loved one experienced, such as the anniversary of a surgery, an accident, a death, a divorce or break-up. You may experience these feelings with special days remembered, such as birthdays or wedding anniversaries. Other times anniversary reactions are felt during the holidays or during certain seasons of the year.

What do anniversary reactions feel like?

In general, anniversary reactions can be experienced as a feeling of unease, as if something is just not right. Some people may feel sad or depressed. Others may feel anxious. Each experience is unique.

Anniversary reactions are sometimes experienced prior to the actual anniversary, such as weeks leading up to the actual anniversary date. Sometimes the feelings are more noticeable at the time of the actual anniversary. And sometimes the reaction occurs shortly after the date of the anniversary. The experience felt may be acute or piercing…or more vague and generally unsettling.

What is important to remember is that anniversary reactions are normal and temporary.

How do we handle anniversary reactions?

How do we deal with these thoughts and feelings? Anniversary reactions may be easier to handle if you can name them and understand why you are experiencing them.

From there, it may be helpful to consider ways to deal with these feelings in a positive and proactive way.

I have known families that light a special candle during holidays in memory of loved ones. Finding ways to honor someone’s memory can be done in many ways. It’s just important that whatever you choose to do feels right and good to you.

If you experience anniversary reactions related to personal traumatic events, you may find it helpful to talk to someone who is wise and supportive. You may want to explore ways to reaffirm that you have survived this experience. In these cases, self care is also very important. Get good rest. Exercise. Nourish your body with healthy food. Remember to stay hydrated. Create positive distractions if the anniversary is too traumatic.

For anyone who may be having a particularly difficult time dealing with the thoughts and feelings precipitated by, or related to, an anniversary reaction, it is important to seek professional guidance and support.

If you experience anniversary reactions regularly, it may be helpful to put a plan into place, to prepare in anticipation of possible reactions.

In conclusion…

Here’s a chart to help summarize the main points in this post:

There are many ways to deal with anniversary reactions. Recognizing and taking steps to deal with them is a way you can be kind to yourself and to help yourself heal.

This post has been revised and updated from a previous post (2015). It contains links to additional resources (highlighted in blue above.)